This is all I've wanted to say to you for a long long time...

There are a lot of things I have wanted to say to you for a long time. Mainly that I am sorry in some respect. I feel sorry for you. I am sorry that you missed my graduation. I am also sorry that I dont get those good dad quality moments anymore. I won't see you in the stands at my games and you'll never wave goodbye as I head off to college. I'm sorry you won't get to walk me down the aisle when I marry Danny and I'm sorry you'll never meet your grandchildren. I'm sorry that this is the life you've chosen yet there is very little pity in my heart for people like you. I do not have pity because it was your own selfish thoughts and despicable acts that lead you to this point. It was not my mother, or brother, your father, or me. It has taken me a great deal of time to realize I was not the reason our family was pulled apart. It was you. It has come time for me to take this burden and place it on the proper shoulders. Only when you decide and acknowledge that this is your burden and your burden only will there be real justice. I only wish that you could have used your incredible intelligence and quick learning skills for the betterment of your life and the lives of others. I have seen myself become an increasingly different young woman over the past months. I am resilient as many have said and for that I am thankful to you. I however am disgusted by the person that you hid from us for so many years. I am not angry with you for what you did to me. I am however angry about all you've done to others and the way you have treated my mother. If you wanted to ruin your life with alcohol and unruliness then you should have done it alone. You have disappionted many people and made the lives of others miserable. No one asks for the cards they are dealt, but in many respects you are a shady card dealer. You dealt a hand that no one would dare show the rest of the table and a hand that would result in the loss of all the players chips. A hand that is hard to play. I am assuming you will easily be able to understand my metaphor because you are a gambler at heart. You took chances, made risky choices, bet all your chips and all in the name of greed and selfishness. I hope that one day you will finally take this burden that has and will always be yours and hold it up to the light. I want you to carry it. I will no longer provide a resting place for your burden. I will be accepting, but never forgiving and only will I be accepting when you take onto yourself this responsibility. It is time for you to grow up and act accordingly. Your selfish way have done nothing but hurt the people around you. The people you should care most about are also the one you have hurt the most. It is time for you to take responsibility for your actions. This did not happen due to alcohol or the way you were raised. Each day we wake up, we are all asked to make choices. Some are simple and some are life changing. Your choices have landed you here. I hope you realize all the trouble you have caused and all the harm you have done.

Did he die?

I remember sitting outside our hose trying to sell all of our stuff before we were evicted. We just kept telling everyone to take it all. It was 20 years of my dad's old stuff. Most of it meant nothing to me, but all throughout the day I kept getting, " I'm so sorry darling, did your daddy die?" No, no he didn't. He made a lot of terrible choices and he ruined his life and the lives of others. He didn't die at all. He is living and breathing each day and so am I. I am not damaged or weak, but I am sorrowful. I won't get my father-daughter dance at my wedding. I don't get to see my dad hold his grandchildren. He missed my graduation. The hardest part was people were prouder of what I had to say to him then when I walked across that stage. Sometimes I wonder how much I can tell people about the situation. When I do say he's in jail, they always ask why. I hate to tell them. I wish my brother realized the way he treats us is the same way our dad did. I just wish more than anything I could save every little girl and boy from this happening to them.